Reflections

It seems that every year without fail, January sneaks up on me and catches me by surprise. I am inevitably taken off guard that not only have the holidays come to a screeching halt, months of endless cold await, and I swear I can feel a sense of uneasiness radiating through my bones.  Oh how I wish I was one of those eager souls who greet the new year with excitement and lists of ambitious resolutions! Rest assured that I have not lost my tease-worthy cheery disposition, but admittedly I approach the winter months with a sense of obligation: Must trudge through until spring!

All winter-grumpiness aside, I am nothing but grateful for the year I just had, and joyously looking forward to the coming months and the arrival of the new baby.  Much like the other three, Dain and I are thrilled beyond beyond belief, but even more so than in the past, feel a deep appreciation for the tiny being that is settled inside me, and the fact that it really is nothing short of a miracle that together we are capable of creating and nurturing another human.  How's that for profound? :)  In full disclosure, I spent the better part of December anxiously awaiting the sound of the baby's heart beat (something I never recall feeling in the past) and a wave of utter relief made my eyes brim with tears when the doctor finished his customary questions and held the fetal doppler to my stomach.  That glorious sound never gets old!

Looking back, I am especially thankful for my husband who cooked and cleaned and carried our family through weeks of exhaustion and nausea that left me feeling run over by a freight train for the better part of two months.  One of the hardest parts of pregnancy is the aches and pains of the first trimester, when nobody even knows you are expecting!  I feel like I owe my dear third graders a hug and reassurance that my energy and patience levels are recovering thanks to a much needed two-week winter break and transition into the second trimester with a baby on board.

I've been reading a new book by one of my favorite authors, Katrina Kenison, who writes on motherhood in such a way that I am certain at times she is speaking just to me.  Today I read:
"Meaning an purpose come not from accomplishing great things in the world, but simply from loving those who are right in front of you, doing all you can with what you have, in the time you have, in the place where you are."  With that, I will go faithfully into the coming months with a positive attitude and understanding that perhaps the bitter cold of winter makes the warmth of spring all the more enjoyable.  Much like my ever growing belly, I can't stop the passing of time, but I can find grace in being present in the moments as they come.